Love conquers all they say. However, love doesn’t pay the bills. It might not be romantic, but money does play a big role in relationships.

Money is a significant source of conflict in 55% of American households. So it shouldn’t be a surprise that money impacts a couple’s relationship. Financial difficulties are a top reason why couples file for divorce. In fact, studies have indicated that frequent fights about money are a strong predictor of divorce. Research shows that arguments about money tend to be more heated and are more likely to remain unresolved.

But money conflict can be avoided in some not-so-difficult ways. You probably won’t have to change jobs or sell the house to relieve the financial conflict in your marriage. Chances are, the biggest positive change will come from just talking about money.

Common Financial Issues With Couples

Not Combining Incomes

Choosing to keep incomes separate doesn’t really promote unity and togetherness. In a marriage, it’s “ours” instead of “mine” and “yours”. Separate bank accounts avoid important conversations about money. It also makes it easier for one partner to go rogue with their spending. Research has shown that combining finances with a partner can lead to a happier relationship,

One Partner Carrying Old Debts

We all enter relationships with some degree of baggage, for some, it’s financial baggage. When it comes to marriage, many partners end up marrying their partner’s debt – whether it’s college or credit cards. It’s fairly common for both partners to come to the table with some level of debt, but chances are they are not equal. When one person is carrying more debt, conversations can become heated and resentment can build.

Extended Family

Money issues can extend to…extended family. Perhaps one partner is helping their sibling out with bills. Maybe they offer to buy their mother a new car. Meanwhile, their partner feels like that money should have gone to their own housing expenses. Financial conflict can come from extended family in other ways too. Maybe one partner’s family comes from a lot of money while the other’s does not. Now the one family is expecting you to match their means. Or one set of grandparents could be spending lavishly on the grandkids, while the other side feels insecure about what they can provide.

Differing Beliefs About Money

Opposites might attract, but opposing views about money can be a serious issue in a relationship. One partner likes to take risks on investments while the other is a saver and values having a comfort cushion in the bank. Your views on money are established long before you enter into a romantic relationship. Research shows that we obtain attitudes, values, and beliefs about money from our parents and other family members. Oftentimes we’re not even fully aware of the beliefs that we hold about money until they are brought to light in a relationship. Our financial views are connected to our upbringing.

Hiding Debt From Your Partner

Intentionally keeping financial information from your spouse (or lying about it) is known as financial infidelity, because it is that serious. Not being upfront and honest about existing debt, failing to disclose big expenditures, or simply lying about spending are all examples of financial infidelity. All of which can destroy trust within a relationship.

How To Manage Finances in a Marriage

Communicate

Talking about it is the number one thing to help you manage finances together. Money can be an uncomfortable topic. The more you talk about it, the more normal it will become. Really listen to your partner’s input. Ask them questions to help you better understand where their coming from.

Keep Expenditures Out In The Open

Whether you want to document in a spreadsheet or on paper, log your spending in a shared place for your partner to add their spending. In addition to helping you be more transparent with your partner, tracking what you buy is a good way to personally stay on top of your spending.

Don’t Let Salary Differences Come Between You

There’s a good chance one person makes more than the other. You shouldn’t feel like you run the show because you make more. Nor should you feel like you have less power in decision-making because you make less. Remind yourself that you’re on the same team and you both get equal say.

Work As A Team

Share an equal role in financial decision-making. Divided financial decision-making roles can lead to conflict. For example, instead of one person making the budget, talk it out together. Set up a regular time each month to sit down together and pay the bills, discuss your expenses, and review your savings plans. This way no one is left in the dark and no one is burdened with all the money management. If you want to designate roles, just make sure that you’re still coming together regularly to talk about your finances.

Financial Goals and Priorities

You’ve probably already done some planning for the future, but what about the finances connected to those plans? It may be time to do some research and come up with some hard numbers on the cost of said plans.

Share Your Vision

Talk about your money goals and what matters to you most when it comes to finances. Are you saving for a house? Wanting to pay off the car? Is your focus on the kids’ college fund? What about retirement? How much do you want to put into savings each month? How much will you agree to be disposable money each month?

Do The Math

Set realistic goals based on the numbers you’ve determined. Include time frames and schedule regular check-ins to monitor where you’re at and make changes as needed. Remember that your goals are not set in stone.

Find A Balance

Make a budget that prioritizes necessities but also makes room for the things you value as a couple, and as individuals.

Tips For To Keep Your Finances In Order

Finding Help To Deal With Financial Issues

Meet with a financial advisor

A financial advisor (or financial planner) can help you and your partner create shared goals and decide what methods feel comfortable based on your personal money habits and the roles each of you wants to play. A financial advisor is an expert in the field who can meet with you as a neutral party, providing useful insight.

Meet with a therapist

Your money issues may be less about money and more about your communication. Therapy can help you sharpen your communication skills so that your discussions are more effective. Meeting with a couples counselor can allow you to understand your partner’s perspective so that you’re better able to work as a team, even if you don’t completely see eye to eye when it comes to money.

The bottom line is that you need to get on the same page when it comes to money, or else issues will only escalate. Operating with different plans and mismatched goals is not sustainable for your relationship or bank account.