What is an Inferiority Complex?

We all feel levels of inferiority from time to time. Maybe you didn’t get that promotion at work. Or you compare your body to one you see at the gym and feel less than. You drive through that really nice neighborhood and feelings of inferiority creep in. And then there’s social media which can often give you reasons to feel bad about yourself. These examples are situational and completely normal. For the average person, that crappy feeling doesn’t last long. Ie. once you stop scrolling on your phone you feel better.

Alternatively, an inferiority complex is a constant, nagging feeling of not being good enough. According to the American Psychological Association, an inferiority complex is a condition characterized by constant feelings of inadequacy or insecurity in your daily life because you think that you are physically or mentally inferior to others. This belief may based on a rational assessment or it may be perceived.

A person with an inferiority complex will harp on the fact that someone else is better at this or that. They’ll beat themselves up about not getting the job long after the fact. For those with an inferiority complex, also known as chronic low self-esteem, they are criticized by a voice in their head. It’s like having an internal bully, putting you down.

An inferiority complex can manifest in two very different ways. More common is that they indulge in self-deprecating thoughts and become withdrawn. Alternatively, they could overcompensate by becoming excessively competitive as a way to prove they are not inferior. The latter can sometimes evolve into a superiority complex.

What are the Signs of an Inferiority Complex?

• Excessive Self-Criticism: A person with an inferiority complex may constantly criticize themselves, even for minor mistakes. They focus on shortcomings and don’t give themselves credit for successes.
• Perfectionism: They may set unrealistically high standards for themselves. They force themselves to be perfect in everything they do to compensate for feelings of inadequacy.
• Overcompensating: To cover up their perceived weaknesses, they may exaggerate their achievements or try to overshadow others in conversations and situations to seek validation. They may lie about random, meaningless things (often without meaning to) in order to look better. For example, they may say they’ve seen a movie when they haven’t, or say some possession of theirs is more expensive than it actually is.
• Putting Others Down: Sometimes people with inferiority complexes try to make others feel insecure in order to make themselves feel better. They may jump on an opportunity to point out a shortcoming or harp on a flaw. It’s an attempt to push someone down so that they can feel above them.
• Sensitivity to Criticism: Even a slight or constructive criticism can be felt as a major attack. Any form of criticism can reinforce their feelings of inferiority making the negative voice in their head even louder.
• Avoiding Challenges: You can’t fail if you don’t try. Typically, a fear of failure causes a person with an inferiority complex to avoid new or difficult situations. Their resistance to putting themselves out there can be blamed on their belief that they won’t succeed.
• Constant Comparison: People with an inferiority complex are continually comparing themselves to others and often believe that they fail in comparison, which feeds their feelings of inferiority.
• Lack of Confidence: They often display a lack of confidence in their abilities and frequently doubt themselves or their decisions.
• Difficulty Accepting Praise: A person with an inferiority complex may reject or downplay compliments or any form of praise because they believe they don’t deserve the positive attention.
• Over or Underperforming: Someone with this condition may overachieve to prove their worth or underachieve because of their fear of failure.

How to Manage Inferiority Complex in a Romantic Relationship

Recognize Cognitive Distortions

Someone with an inferiority complex sees the world in a different, more negative light. They use cognitive distortions which feed into their negative perceptions about themself. It’s important to be familiar with these, so that you can kindly call your partner out when they use them. This will help them recongize and work on resisting and replacing these unhealthy thought patterns.

Unhealthy ways of thinking commonly associated with an inferiority complex:

• All-or-Nothing Thinking You see everything you do as either good or bad, and judge yourself harshly as a result. It’s black and white for you, with no gray area. Therefore, if you don’t do something up to your standards then you see it as a failure, and you’re unable to cut yourself any slack.
• Mental Filtering You ignore the good things you have to offer like skills you have. You also ignore positive things that happen and focus only on the bad things.
• Converting Positives Into Negatives When something positive happens, you turn it into a negative. For example, if your partner compliments you or writes you a love note, you tell yourself “They just feel bad for me”.
• Jumping to Negative Conclusions You assume the worst without any evidence. For example, if your partner doesn’t respond to your text right away you assume that they’re mad at you instead of realizing they’re probably busy at work.
• Mistaking Feelings for Facts When you feel inadequate in your relationship, you jump to thinking that you’re failing despite no evidence of that.

Have Open Communication

For the person with an inferiority complex, start by discussing your feelings with your partner. Be open about your insecurities. Be prepared to listen to their feedback and try to see it as a positive, because they want to help you.

Attend Couples Therapy

Couples therapy can also be a great way to address relationship dynamics and build healthier communication patterns.

Encourage Mutual Support: If your partner has an inferiroiry complex, validate your partner’s feelings, and provide affirmations of love and appreciation. However, it’s equally important to express your own needs and desires.

Set Healthy Boundaries: Respect each other’s space and allow for independence. Both people should maintain a sense of self within the relationship, so one doesn’t become overly dependent or clingy.

How Is It Treated?

Always thinking that you are not enough is unhealthy. Living life with an inferiority complex is harmful. Left untreated it can lead to serious mental health conditions and physical symptoms.

Challenge Negative Thoughts

Fight back. Next time that bully in your head, tells you something, don’t accept it as true. Instead, stop to question the negative thought. Ask yourself, is this true? When that mean voice says, “You have nothing good to offer”. Pause and consider this.

Journal

Writing down your distorted beliefs about yourself can help you see the absurdity in it. You can then replace your negative thoughts with more realistic, motivating thoughts. It isn’t about putting on rose-tinted glasses. Instead, the goal is to seek truth, find patience, and allow yourself room to grow rather than assume the worst and close the doors that could lead to improvement. For example, if your thought is “no one likes me”, you wouldn’t want to replace it with “everyone likes me” because that’s not true for any person. Instead, you could tell yourself, “Some people like me, and some people don’t. It’s not my job to control that, but to be myself.”

Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness is about being present in the moment and accepting any feelings, thoughts, or actions that come along, without judgment. Many studies have shown the positive impacts mindfulness can have on an individual’s well-being. You can practice mindfulness the next time you go for a walk, by taking stock of your senses. Go without your headphones, and instead focus on the sounds around you. You can practice mindfulness when washing the dishes, folding the laundry, or driving your car. You are present when you feel the hot water on your hands, smell the dish soap, and listen to the sound of the faucet.

Therapy

Severe low self-esteem can be improved through therapeutic approaches like cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). Cognitive behavioral therapy helps you become more aware of your emotions, thoughts, and behaviors. Working through negative thoughts and ideas about your value can be identified and changed into a more positive outlook. A therapist isn’t going to diagnose you with an inferiority complex, since it isn’t an official diagnosis but they can help you work on your self-esteem and self-worth. Therapy is a good way to improve your self-compassion, a crucial component of both self-esteem and self-worth.

Be Patient

Remember that building self-esteem takes time. Be patient with yourself and your partner, acknowledging progress and celebrating small victories along the way.